MUM GUILT
The Question That Lingers
There are moments when my thoughts wander. I do a quick check-in and I ask myself: “Am I doing enough?” This thought creeps in unexpectedly, and most of the time the generic answer to that is “No.” Harsh, but true — I often feel like I’m not doing enough, despite how much time I spend with my little girl. Whenever I get the opportunity for a moment of me time, no matter how short it is, I feel guilty. Because somewhere in my conscious and subconscious, my world should revolve around her all the time. I need that rest, but I don’t feel like I deserve it.
An Unwanted Visitor
Mum guilt feels like an unwanted visitor — barging into your mind when you least expect it. It’s the racing thoughts and the constant questions you ask yourself. The unfair check-ins that betray you. On most days when I scroll too long on social media, I’m engulfed with endless tips and advice for mums: Do this, don’t do that. If you do this you’re harming your baby. It sets room for a comparison trap. “Am I doing enough? Have I been doing this all wrong?” I keep second-guessing myself. Can one ever get this right?
When Society Speaks Too Loud
So much of mum guilt comes from society. Somehow a new mum is expected to have a built-in manual on how to raise a child, even when it’s her first baby. Society frowns when you struggle, and often fellow women are the first to highlight your mistakes instead of extending grace. Like we all didn’t — and aren’t still — learning on the job.
The Comparison Trap
Social media makes this worse by painting picture-perfect motherhood. So beautifully curated that you start to doubt your own reality. Because if this mum on TikTok seems to be “getting it right,” what’s wrong with me? Meanwhile, that mum may only be sharing her highlight reel, because it’s her escape space too.
Holding Myself to Impossible Standards
Sometimes the pressure doesn’t come from outside — it comes from me. “Mrs I want to be everything to my baby.” I even find myself turning down help when it’s offered. These expectations make me hard on myself. I set a standard where I’m the judge, and I rarely measure up.
The Gentle Truth
But here’s the truth: I am doing enough. Waking up every day, showing up, and making my daughter happy. She does not need perfection — just love, presence, and care. Consistency in these little things is what truly matters. Mistakes will happen, but they don’t erase motherhood. They don’t erase the sacrifices.
Choosing Grace and Rest
I’m gradually learning to navigate mum guilt. I speak kind words to myself. I hold onto personalized mantras that guide me through. I talk to God, because even when I don’t count my efforts as worthy, He does. I also choose to rest. When I’ve had good sleep — especially when my little girl sleeps by my side — I wake up with a clear head. Sometimes stress blinds me to the beauty of what I’m already doing.
A Journey, Not a Test
Motherhood is not a pass-or-fail test. It’s a lifelong journey. For the rest of my life, even when my babies are grown, I’ll still be their mum. I might as well take it easy, celebrate the little wins, and give myself grace.
If you’ve ever been in these shoes, just know you’re not alone. Mum guilt is a constant struggle many mothers face. Here’s your reminder: you are doing enough, you deserve rest, and you deserve to choose yourself too.
From my heart to yours, the nest is always open. With love, Nenye
